Wednesday, August 30, 2006. 5:20 PM
In Your Presence
The words that my heart so desires to speak are perfectly expressed in this song...
Where I BelongJaci VelasquezSometimes I'm saddened by the choices I've made
So many tears I have cried
Got what I wanted but the dream seemed to fade
Still feeling unsatisfied
But You saved me
Forgave me
How You've shown
You'd never leave me all alone
Oh, Lord
Every time I lose my place
The beauty of Your grace
Shines a light so I can see
Every time I lose my way
You make it all okay
I feel You're love surrounding me
You are here calming my fears
You lead me back with Your sweet song
You're where I belong
You're always there to guide me through my mistakes
You've never once left my side
The way You pick me up each time my heart breaks
The way You always stood byI'd feel You
You'd move right through my heart
We never really were apart
Oh, Lord
Every time I lose my place
The beauty of Your grace
Shines a light so I can see
Every time I lose my way
You make it all okay
I feel You're love surrounding me
You are here calming my fears
You lead me back with Your sweet song
You're where I belong
I will always put my faith in You
'Cause I know You understand
I will try my best to follow You
'Cause I know You've got a plan
Just to have You in my life
Is far more than enough
You are everywhere around me now
I can feel Your precious love
All the wonders of Your ways
I'm constantly amazed
How You make me safe and sound
It's the way You lift me up
You've given me so much
Only You would never let me down
You are here calming my fears
You lead me back with Your sweet song
You're where I belong
...thank You Jesus...~~~
I want to wrap myself with Your love...I want to live in Your presence...I want more of You in my life...
---
Monday, August 28, 2006. 1:18 PM
Your Loving-Kindness
Lord, bakit napakabuti Mo?
Bakit mahal na mahal Mo ako kahit na hindi ako karapat-dapat sa pagmamahal Mo?
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Friday, August 25, 2006. 9:24 AM
My Soul Sings...
Flower in the RainJaci VelasquezYou are the One; there's no one else
Who lifts me up
And gives me water from the well
But there's a hole
That seems to drain it all away
And once again I'm left in fear and doubt
When all my strength is crying out
Chorus:So here I am again
Willing to be opened up and broken like a flower in the rain
Tell me what have I to do
To die and then be raised
To reach beyond the pain
Like a flower in the rain
The evil wind, it blows a storm
To rock my world
Just when I think I'm safe and warm
I'm led astray far too easily
It's always hard for me to say I'm wrong
Until I know I can't go on
Lord, You have searched me
And know when I sleep and when I rise
You're familiar with all my ways
Even the darkness will shine
Like the day
When you look into my heart
Listen to the song
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Thursday, August 24, 2006. 6:58 PM
Four (Tagged by Mona)
Four jobs I've had01. Hollywood star *wink*
02. Recording artist/Musician *wink*
03. Professional dancer *wink*
04. My Master's servant (job I will forever have)
Four movies I can watch over and over01. A Walk to Remember
02. My Sassy Girl
03. Il Mare
04. Armageddon
Four TV shows I love to watch01. Bubble Gang!
02. Myx
03. Smallville
04. ... (la na ko maisip. Di na ko nakakanood masyado ng TV eh.)
Four places I've been to on vacation (boracay not counted)01. Iloilo
02. Batangas
03. Subic
04. Laguna
Four favorite dishes edible stuff01. Gising-gising ni Daddy
02. Chicken almond ni Manang Norms
03. Chicken puchero ni Nanang Perla
04. Inihaw na squid
Four places I'd rather be in01. home/own room
02. church (pag nasa Nueva Ecija)
03. friend’s house
04. church friend’s house
Four people i'd tag along01. Raissa
02. Weng
03. Chin
04. Hasmin
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Monday, August 21, 2006. 1:00 AM
Kids
My long weekend will soon be over. Good thing I was able to enjoy it before it ends. :)
Yesterday was a "children's day" for me. I got to have "bonding" with kids. First, with the kids in Gapan where our church has an evangelical mission and then with my makukulit na pamangkins. In the church mission, Hasmin taught the Nursery to Grade 2 children, Kuya Carlo and I handled Grade 3-5 while Kuya (also Pastor) Micheal took charge of Grade 6 and Highschoolers. It was so heartwarming to see these children passionately and wholeheartedly sing praise songs (even if they were out of tune :D ) and willingly listen to Bible stories. After the classes, they played around and had
kwentuhan with us with so much excitement. *Sigh*... Reminiscent of the Sunday School and the DVBS (Daily Vacation Bible School) days where we have a week of Bible school. I miss teaching kids...
When I reached home, my 2 nephews, Violo and Gelo, were patiently waiting for me. One is because of the pasalubong they asked me to bring them (which I, unfortunately, was not able to buy :D ). And also because they want me to play with them. After eating my dinner, they dragged towards my room and requested me to read them a story about Rapunzel with the Disney figures as characters (Weird! :D ). I also played charades and stop dance with them...Hehe! And because the Buenavides blood is inherent to them...
Gelo and Violo. Guess who's older? ;)
Kakulet lang! Hehe!
Mana sa tatay nila! Haha! :D
Joey was also able to have bonding with my pamangkins, over the phone nga lang. :D Chika-ever sila...Hehe!
(Yari ka Joey, gawin mo mga sinabi mo kila Gelo! Hehe! :p)
---
Saturday, August 19, 2006. 3:10 AM
Discoveries
I found out some things....
...but I'd rather keep my mouth shut about these. Hehe!
Kaya lang parang di ko kaya... ;p Sige, magsasalita na ko. Pero konti lang... Haha!
#1.Amazing. I proved it right. ;) Yun nga yun. Haha! What a coincidence! :D
#2.Mmmp... Gumagana na naman pagka-supladita/maldita ko! Hehe! Kuya Jermaine buti hindi kita kasama! Kung hindi, aabot to the nth level panunupla ko! Hehe! :D Ang evil... :D Papakabait na nga ko... ;p
Wala lang, naaliw lang talaga ako. :D
---
Plumb
Plumb is another Christian artist I like so much. Her songs usually have themes about God, love (in its romantic sense :D), heartbreak. I have not yet heard of all her songs but her music can genereally be described as alternative/Christian rock.
God-Shaped Hole Candycoatedwaterdrops AlbumEvery point of view has another angle
And every angle has its merit
But it all comes down to faith
Thats the way I see it
You can say that love is not divine and
You can say that life is not eternal
"All we have is now"
But I don't believe it
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us And the restless soul is searching There's a God-shaped hole in all of us And it's a void only He can fill Does the world seem gray with empty longing
Wearing every shade of cynical
And do you ever feel that
There is something missing?
That's my point of view...
PhobicCandycoatedwaterdrops Album
I watched you sit alone
I watched you cry your eyes out
Now tell me what you've done
Is it so bad that
I would shut you out
And leave you here alone
Yes, I saw what you did
I was right there with you
I won't let you sink
No, I forgive you
Phobic
Don't be
Grace needs a little more freedom
Phobic
Don't be
Love needs room to breathe
I have watched you grow
And I've stood in your shadow
I've never walked away
I hung the stars and
I hold your heart
So, don't ever be afraid
Yes, I know when you breathe
And I feel when you need
I won't let you sink
No, I forgive you
You can be healed
You can be free
You can know peace
Never be afraid again
Never be afraid
Never be afraid
He's here * I got the message of this song after reaching the last line.
Boys Don't Cry
Beautiful Lumps of Coal Album
You sit there on the couch
Sipping your scotch and ice
You turn the tv on
And tune me out again
So what would you say to me
If you could talk to me
You could ask anything
I wouldn't lie
But you are ok with this
Damaging awkwardness
So I'll just keep playing it safe
And keep it inside
'Cause boys don't cry
I used to hold your hand
So tight there was no question
But now even when you are near
I've never felt so alone
If you just stand beside me
I'll keep you in my life
Tell me how much you love me
And i'll be just fine
Don't be afraid of me
* Hmmm...Was just...Wala lang... :D
---
Jars of Clay
I love Jars of Clay! :)
These songs are some of those that really touched my heart...
Much Afraid
Much Afraid Album
Empty again
Sunken down so far
So scared to fall
I might not get up again
So I lay at Your feet All my brokenness I carry all of my burdens to YouChorus:All of these things
I've held up in vain
No reason nor rhyme
Just the scars that remain
Of all of these things
I'm so much afraid
Scared out of my mind
By the demons I've made
Sweet Jesus, You never ever let me go Oh, sweet Jesus, never ever let me goSo happy to love
Yet so far to go
You lead me on to where I've never been before
No One Loves Me Like You
If I Left The Zoo Album
Collapsing was much softer
Still falling always hurt
Only after sensing Your love
For always ever burned
You justified my folly
My affluent disguise
Removed revealing nothing
Yet nothing unforgiven lies
Unforgiven lies
Chorus:
No one loves me like You No one loves me the way You do No one loves me like You No one loves me the way, the way that You doTo touch the rose unfearful
Is to meet the thorn
And pierce the heart's emotion
And feel the emptiness no more
Emptiness no more
Took some time to realize I've fallen
Worlds Apart
Jars of Clay Album
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of One who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache
Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow
Chorus: To love You - take my world apart To need You - I am on my knees To love You - take my world apart To need You - broken on my kneesAll said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me
Did You really have to die for me? All I am for all You areBecause what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
Additional lyrics:
I look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost and wipe away the crimson stains and dull the nails that still remain More and more I need You now, I owe You more each passing hour the battle between grace and pride I gave up not so long ago So steal my heart and take the pain and wash the feet and cleanse my pride take the selfish, take the weak, and all the things I cannot hide take the beauty, take my tears the sin-soaked heart and make it Yours take my world all apart take it now, take it nowand serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart
*More songs from Jars of Clay to come... ;)
---
Sunday, August 13, 2006. 10:40 PM
Last 26 Hours and 40 Minutes...
PRASIA Concert at the Meralco Theater with Diko, Ate Tin and Kuya Darwin. Starbucks Coffee at Megamall afterwards, but without Kuya Darwin. Listening to music and net surfing with Ate Tin after reaching my brother's home. Texting friends in between. Still soundtripping, net surfing and blogging from 2AM to 4:30AM, alone. Doing other things at the same time. Thinking. Lingering on something unbearable. Shedding tears once in a while. Texting friends again. Going to bed after feeling undeniably tired. Light sleep. Waking up at 8AM. Eating breakfast. Taking a bath. Preparing myself. Thinking. Attending the Sunday worship service in Bread of Life Greenbelt with church friends Ate Tin, Kuya Jon, Jeff and Diko. Thinking. Eating lunch at the Landmark foodcourt. Having quite a good laugh. Thinking. Heading off to my boarding house with Ate Tin to leave my stuff. Thinking. Talking about some things while in my room. Going to Megamall to meet other churchmates Carmi, Glory and Eden. Playing basketball and air hockey at Timezone/Worlds of Fun. Eating late afternoon snack afterwards. Sharing session. Heart-to-heart talk. Leaving for Robinson's Galleria to meet Mommy and Daddy. Eating again. Having chit-chats with Mommy's friend. Going home, alone. Thinking.
(I was supposed to spend the night at my aunt's house but I changed my mind. I went to the internet cafe near the boarding house instead.)Thank You Lord for the busy day. (Will talk to You later)...
I'll be on leave from work tomorrow. I'm thinking of how I'm going to keep myself occupied...
---
Coffee and Pain
...they keep me awake up to this time.
---
A Lonely Heart's Cry 2
SoonLeAnn RimesSoon baby
I will cry my last tear
Soon yeah
I will be over you
Soon darlin'
All these tears won't be here
Soon yeah
You know that I will be over you soon
One night baby you won't be in my dreams
One night yeah
I'll finally make it through
One night darlin'
I won't call out your name
I won't be in this place
Soon I will be over you
Soon as the mountains turn into rivers
Soon as the sea turns into sand
Soon as the sun comes up at midnight
That's how soon
Soon all the hurt will end
Until then i'll just pretend
Soon it will be over
Soon yeah
I keep telling myself I'll be over you
Someday soon
Soon as the mountains turn into rivers
Soon as the sea turns into sand
Soon as the sun comes up at midnight
That's how soon
I will be over you baby
Soon yeah
I will be over you darlin'
If only in my dreams
I will be over you
Someday soon
Someday soon
Soon oh yeah
Soon
---
A Lonely Heart's Cry
"I am in pain and distress;
may your salvation, O God, protect me."
Psalm 69:29 (NIV)
~~~
If I'm Not In Love With You
Kathy Trocolli
If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through tonight
And if this heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you baby
Why else to I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you
And if I don't need your touch
Why do I miss you so much tonight
If it's just infatuation
Then why is my heart achin'
To hold you forever
Give a part of me I thought I'd never
Give again to someone I could lose
If I'm not in love with you
Oh why in every fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracing me
Like lovers lost in sweet desire
And why in dreams do I surrender
Like a little baby
How do I explain this feeling
Someone tell me
If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through tonight
And if this heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with
If I'm not in love with
If I'm not in love with you
* I will never forget this song...
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Wednesday, August 09, 2006. 7:57 PM
Post-Drama Entry
I've done something good for myself today. Congratulations to me! :p
Kaaliw, nag-enjoy ako sa pagdo-download ng mp3 habang nagwo-work... ;) Bumabawi lang ako sa Synergy... Hehe!
May utang pa kong 2 or 3 articles kay Kuya Judel para sa newsletter. Kahiya, kahapon ko pa dapat na-send yun. Busy-busyhan daw kasi ako. Hindi ko alam kung matatapos ko yun tonight, bangag na talaga ko. Tinapos ko kasi kagabi yung isa. Grabe, massacre. Hehe! Buti na lang wala si Weng kagabi dahil for sure magchi-chikahan lang kami at di ko siya magagawa.
Hay siya, gusto ko na talaga umuwi...
---
Salamat, salamat...
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)
Thanks for these words, Ate Tin. You warmed my heart. Thank you so much for being there. I know may mga personal issues/problems ka din that you face but you stood strong for me, and extended to me that strength. You've always been a blessing to me. Thank you, sobra. Na-touch talaga ako...*punas ng luha sa gilid ng mata...hehe!* Seriously, I was. A million thanks! I love you sis! :)
---
Tuesday, August 08, 2006. 12:29 PM
Random Questions
Can I feel numb even for just a minute?
Why does the pain seems unbearable?
Would it feel better if I have my tear duct and glands removed?
Do I really have to face all these alone?
Am I being selfish?
Am I just overreacting?
What's happening to us?
I can no longer play deaf and blind about all these...
---
Tuesday Morning Blues
I arrived in the office 2 minutes late. This is somewhat unusual of me because I don't anymore go to work late, save for the unwanted circumstances such as the typhoon which caused me to be stuck in traffic for an hour or less weeks before. I normally am in a hurry especially when my roommate wakes up a bit later than her wake-up time because she is usually the one who first takes a bath.
But today, it's different. My roommate did not sleep in the boarding house last night so I was able to have control of my time. But I really had a hard time pulling and dragging myself off the bed towards the bathroom. It took me so long to take a bath and prepare myself. And when I was about to comb my hair, I realized I left my fine-toothed comb in the office, so I untangled my hair with my fingers. Pathetic life.
I hate waking up in the morning. And this abomination is intense today. My heart and head feels heavy. I don't know how I'm going to face the day. I feel like I have lost all my will and strength to accomplish what needs to be done. The only thing that keeps me going is the promise of God's love and comfort...
There are still 2 more days I'll be enduring this hate-to-wake-up-in-the-morning syndrome. I wish it's Friday already. I'll be on leave. I won't have to drag myself to work.
~~~
"For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me."
Psalm 38:17 (NIV)
"Yet if I speak, my pain is not relieved; and if I refrain, it does not go away."
Job 16:6 (NIV)
"Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable? Will you be to me like a deceptive brook, like a spring that fails?"
Jeremiah 15:18 (NIV)
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Monday, August 07, 2006. 5:30 PM
Right Now...
... I don't want to hear music...
... I don't want to sit in front of my computer doing non-work-related stuff...
... I don't want to wait sooooo long for our encoder to give me her deliverables so that I could get on with my task...
... I don't want to go the CR...
... I don't want to think...I don't, I don't...
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Weekend
Had a great weekend :)
Thanks to the following people:
Weng, my roommate, for the late-night-till-dawn conversation last Friday. Ginulo mo ang mundo ko! Hehe! Jowk! :p Kidding aside, thanks for showing me things from God's perspective. I woke up with a light feeling the following day. :)
Jeff, for the foodtrip on Saturday. Langya ka, muntik na mabawasan ka-seksihan ko! Hehe! Thanks for always listening to me... And making me laugh sa "far...see...you..." joke mo! Haha! Bading ka talaga! :p
Ate Tin, my ever-reliable sister. Bitin ang buong hapon ng Sunday. Hihi! It reminded me of the old days… :( Missing them so much... I'm so happy on how God moves in your life. Re-start, now na... ;) Next week ulit, ako naman treat mo! Hehe! :p
Diko, na nang-libre sa'kin sa Teriyaki Boy. ;) Well, have to wait for another 10 years bago niya ko libre ulit... Hehe! Or samahan ko ulit siya bumili ng kung anik-anik... :D Naalala ko tuloy buhok mo, bading na bading! Haha! :p
---
:)
Prayer to LoveJaci Velasquez
When I'm in trouble, You rescue me
When I'm alone in my soul, You're here with me
Always unconditional when I need a friend
You hold me and You're strong, but gentle enough to bend
You know my name when I call,
You don't forget me when I fall
You're my anchor, You're my wings
And I know You're listening
Love save me Oh Lord make me
A reflection of Your love
Capture me, don't set me free
Surround me with Your love
Let me see through Your eyes, touch me with grace
When You color my world, it's such a beautiful place
I put all my faith in You, I'll go where You want me to
You'll be there with open arms
When I have a fragile heart
Love save me Oh Lord make me
A reflection of Your love
Capture me, don't set me free
Surround me with Your love
The closer I am to You Lord
The nearer I am to love
Place the path to You before me
Keep Your hand above
This is my prayer to
Love AloneCaedmon's CallNo one would love me
If they knew all the things I hide
My words fell to the floor
As tears drip through the telephone line
And the hands I've seen raised to the sky
Not waving but drowning all this time
I'll try to build the ark that they need
To float to you upon the crystal sea
Give me your hand to hold
Cause I can't stand to love alone
And love alone is not enough
To hold us up we've got to touch Your robe
So swing Your robe down low
Swing Your robe down low
Prince of despair's been beaten
And the losers still fight
Death's on a long leash stealing
My friends to the night
And everyone cries for innocent
You say to love the guilty, too
And I'm surrounded by suffering and sickness
So I'm working tearing back the roof
Give me your hand to hold
Cause I can't stand to love alone
And love alone is not enough
To hold us up we've got to touch Your robe
So swing Your robe down low
Swing Your robe down low
And the pain of the world is a burden
And it's my cross to bear
And I stumble under all the weight
I know you're Simon standing there
And I know you're standing there
Give me your hand to hold
Cause I can't stand to love alone
And love alone is not enough
To hold us up we've got to touch Your robe
So swing Your robe down low
Swing Your robe down low
* Natatawa lang ako sa intro ng song na 'to, folk/country talaga ang tunog, parang cowboy...hehe! :D
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Thursday, August 03, 2006. 1:09 PM
Lamentation
Psalm 69 (KJV)
1 Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul.
2 I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.
3 I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God.
5 O God, thou knowest my foolishness; and my sins are not hid from thee.
13 But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, O LORD, in an acceptable time: O God, in the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.
16 Hear me, O LORD; for thy loving kindness is good: turn unto me according to the multitude of thy tender mercies.
20 Reproach hath broken my heart; and I am full of heaviness: and I looked for some to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none.
29 But I am poor and sorrowful: let thy salvation, O God, set me up on high.
30 I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify him with thanksgiving.
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Wednesday, August 02, 2006. 10:37 AM
Sunshine
SunshineGabrielleMade a wish, I can dream
I can be what I want to be
Not afraid to live my life
And fulfil my fantasies
I learned a lot of tricks to help me live my life
You helped me find my paradise
When You came I saw
Sunshine through my window
That's what You are
My Shining Star
Sunshine
Making me feel like I'm on top of the world
Telling me I'll go far
Reaching out, for the highs
You inspired me to try
I felt the magic inside
And I felt that I could fly
I'm looking at the world in an optimistic light
You made me appreciate my life
'Cause when You came You were my
Sunshine through my window
That's what You are
My Shining Star
Sunshine
Making me feel like I'm on top of the world
Telling me I'll go far
You are the calm
I am the storm
You are the breeze that carries me on
When I said a truth
You wink at me
You're there for me
Sunshine (oh yeah)
That's what You are
My Shining Star
Sunshine
Making me feel I'm on top of the world
Telling me that I'll go far
Sunshine
My Star, my Star...
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